Live by 3

Why is this happening to me?

I came across this clever reminder today.

"One of the most valuable ideas I’ve ever discovered in terms of creating calm in the midst of a storm, and helping me keep my head when those about me are losing theirs, is the idea that whatever happens is normal. Not that whatever happens is always desirable or even acceptable, but that it’s almost always normal." via www.leadershipnow.com Read article here.

I've enjoyed a pretty relaxing summer (once I got past June 30) but now school is starting and today suddenly I have more to do than I've had to all summer. As humans we have a tendency to see ourselves as the center of the universe. It's not conscious because most of us are really just someone in the crowd. The most predictable aspect of our daily lives is that it's not predictable.

Mantra #3 for stressed beyond belief

Do you have the patience to wait

till your mud settles and the water is clear?

Can you remain unmoving

till the right action arises by itself?

From tao te ching #15, Stephen Mitchell

Personal note: I'm a doer, a fixer, a take-charge and move out sort of person. Sometimes that's exactly the opposite of what I should be doing. I loved the phrase "your mud" because sometimes I feel we create our own stress. (who me?) To "remain unmoving" is the most difficult part as it is the exact opposite from my urgent, life and death, adrenalin-based reaction to the situation.

Talk Deeply, Be Happy? My Opinion . . .

I liked the idea of this research BUT who has time or energy? We need deeper connections but we also need to maintain a lot of loose connections.

"It may sound counterintuitive, but people who spend more of their day having deep discussions and less time engaging in small talk seem to be happier, said Matthias Mehl, a psychologist at the University of Arizona who published a study on the subject."

via well.blogs.nytimes.com

I've been troubled by this article for several weeks because I don't get enough of this especially because this is our absolute busiest, most stressful time of the year on my job. I love what I do but I don't like the toll it takes on my personal life. Here's my 3 part resolution:

1. Choose 2-3 people in your life that you have the most meaningful conversations with. Schedule time to spend with them OFTEN. These are NOT people you are obligated to spend time with. They are those closest friends who nurture you through deep convesations. You might have more than 2-3, but this select group is who you want to schedule inviolable time with.

2. Combine exercise with one of those select friends. There is nothing more grounding than regular exercise with someone that you share deep conversations with.

3. Use Facebook and your mobile phone to keep small talk alive and well in your life with all those people that a)you are related to, 2)the dozens of friends you like, 3)people you admire. More to come on Facebook. ... If you're not on, you need to be. If you don't think your friends or your relatives are on, help them get on to. It's great for all the 'old people' in your life that you can't spend time with but you feel guilty about not visiting or calling regularly. Help them get on Facebook. They will love it.

The Wisdom of Knitting

"Three, three, three,

the repetition that does not require thought

quiets the body

and frees the mind

from the small thoughts,

allowing bigger ones." On knitting

Pattern for a prayer shawl: *Knit 3, purl 3, repeat * to the last three stitches, Knit 3.

Mantra #2 for Having Too Much To Do

Rake the Leaves

"Rake, weed, or sweep. You'll never finish for good, but you'll learn the point of pointlessness."

via www.shambhalasun.com

Our work is never done. So why do we fret about the unfinished tasks instead of losing ourself in the task at hand? Today I will rake, weed, sweep--AND SLEEP.

3 things that automatically happen when something bad happens

Three things that have happened to me:

1. break arm (3 months ago in Millcreek Canyon)
2. discover my PC has died (yesterday in Philadelphia)
3. lose butterflies out of the butterfly keeper (few years back) 

At this point I have some experience with unexpected bad things happening. With 100% authority, I can predict that three emotions automatically kick in no matter the degree of loss.

1. Immediate disbelief and frantic handwringing
2. Briefly delayed anger and casting about
3. Grudging acceptance and facebook posting

Yep--my PC died yesterday. The torture for me is that I'm on a business trip for a week and now I have to a)write everything I'm thinking about in a notebook with a pen, b)update my facebook etc on a PC in the hotel lobby.

For those who haven't heard--broke my arm in January (cross-country skiing). Now have 4 inch scar on my inside wrist that some people quietly turn away from.... Now it's summer and more people will see it....

Finally--the butterflies--major(?) event at our house a few years back. We order the 'palace' and the caterpillars. They magically turn into dazzling creatures with very little personality except they're alive and pretty. One day, come home, 'door' is open, butterflies gone, WITHOUT A TRACE. We searched high and low. Still a mystery. We didn't have facebook then.

P.S. get your butterfly palace at http://www.amazingbutterflies.com/

Three predictors of our quality of life

1. A rewarding leisure life
2. Deep, meaningful conversations
3. Giving more than you take

The ideal weekend isn’t as much about where you go or what the weather is like. It's more about  these three factors.

So planning for a meaningful escape means planning these:

1. The mindful activity that rewards you with pleasure
2. The person(s) that you would share it with
3. What you bring to the activity and the conversation

(Photo: CC Sir Wise Owl, New Zealand. "Time keeping for the half marathon." Pat and Anne are always with us, wet or fine, forever cheery, positive and always an encouraging word to both young and old.)

 

Deep Play

"You can learn

more about a person

in an hour of play

than in a lifetime

of conversation."

Plato

This single phrase says it all for my closest relationships.

This is not the post I want to write

I like to write about optimistic ways to live life fuller and happier. There aren’t a lot of external voices that give us optimism. I wanted to share something from NY Times  columnist David Brooks. Today he wrote a column of unbridled enthusiasm and optimism about the future of America. I was excited to report that there was so much hope and even empirical reasons to be optimistic. I respect him enough to give credence to his ideas. But apparently other readers do not.

As a strategist, as an observer of the currents and mindsets, I am sorry to report that almost all commenters DID NOT agree with Mr. Brooks or even buy in to the ‘facts’ he set forth.

So bad news, dear readers, while there may be evidence for optimism, there is a large contingent of skeptics. I wanted to celebrate but cannot based on the comments.

Here’s the run down—plenty of goodness to celebrate. Relax, We’ll Be Fine

1.    “Over the next 40 years… the U.S. population will be enterprising and relatively young. … half the world’s skilled immigrants come to the U.S. … the average American worker is nearly 10 times more productive than the average Chinese worker.”

2.    “This produces a lot of dynamism.”

3.    “As the world gets richer, demand will rise for the sorts of products Americans are great at providing — emotional experiences.” [From Hollywood to Nashville to Madison Avenue to Facebook to Apple to ??]

4.    “We are living in a global age of social entrepreneurship. …The culture of service is now entrenched and widespread.”

HOWEVER, the commenters ARE NOT BUYING—and there are over 500 comments and counting.

“Pollyanna outlook”

“Your nice urban/suburban predictions do not change the fact that we are, right now, "heading in the wrong direction", as the majority of us believe.”

“We're in the trouble we're in because we relaxed too much.”

“What is your idea about "emotional experiences?" You lost me there!””

“Your rosy future is going to be a long hard slog.”

My conclusions for today.

· The future is uncertain and not in my control.

· The only control I have is over my here-and-now, my response and outlook.

· I can make a huge difference for my family and my local circle and community.

· That will be enough.

Finding Your Flow

Flow states are as unique as fingerprints. Time passes without notice. When you have to step away, you yearn to continue. What are you planning to do on your first really nice spring day? How about having a flow experience?

What most people don’t know is that a flow state does not come naturally—you have to plan for it. It’s always active but doesn’t have to be physical: from skiing to biking to running to writing to playing a game to yoga to meditation to cooking to gardening to putting together a puzzle to painting (art or walls) to whatever. Flow can be the most rewarding type of solitude. As a form of play with others, flow can create lasting memories with those you are closest to. (Photo by bcymet )

Today I’m thinking how nice life would become if we all experienced the flow more regularly. From my readings online, here are some ways to go about it:

1. You block out time to pursue something that you are passionate about. You have a goal in mind that you feel is attainable but challenging.
2. You choose an activity towards that goal that is demanding but also immediately rewarding. You see the small steps as amazing achievements that give you a sense of harmony with yourself and what you are doing.
3. You don’t watch your performance, you feel it effortlessly.

Here are some great articles on the subject. The third was written by the father of flow: Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

1. “Flow experiences are activities that cause individuals to lose all sense of self, time, and the external world.” Managing Leisure
2. “Leisure that creates a flow state - active leisure that helps you to grow - only occurs when we invest some time and attention in it up front.” Leisure Link Consulting
3. “Even the most routine tasks, like washing dishes, dressing, or mowing the lawn, become more rewarding if we approach them with the care it would take to make a work of art.” Finding Flow 

So let me know: What are the unique ways you find flow in your own life? How do you create it? How did you find it the first time?